Can I help you?
Can we go ride our bikes?
Sure.
Great. One small problem.
Don't have any.
Of course you do. I just bought you new ones.
8 years ago.
What? It's not possible.
[Horns squeak]
What do you know? It's been 8 years.
So, obviously, it looks like new bikes are a necessity.
All right, let's see.
With what I made last month,
and with what you spent,
what we have left for bikes is...
Minus-12 dollars.
I'll take my minus-6 in cash.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
[Squeaking horn]
I can't believe mom is making us buy our own bikes.
What's she good for?
Food, shelter, clothing...
Love.
Well, you can't ride love to the mall.
We need bikes.
Do you still have the birthday money we got from dad?
Only 30 bucks. Where's yours?
Accruing a healthy 8.7 percent interest
in a short-term, no-load mutual fund.
Well, why don't we mutually unload it?
My guess is there would be a penalty for early withdrawal.
Does that mean you have it or not?
I only have $76.32.
You can't buy a bike for that.
You can if we combine our money.
Let's go buy a bike.
[Squeaking horns]
Would you please stop it?
Stop right now!
Mr. moseby, you seem more tense than usual.
Which I didn't think was possible.
My big brother is coming to town
to sew up a major business deal.
Everything must be perfect.
Tell him not to come.
Too late.
My horoscope says this is a bad time
for relatives to visit.
Your horoscope telephones you?
I have it e-mailed to me.
And today it says, "a relative nightmare.
"Stay away from family... And fried cheese."
Horoscopes are stupid.
Although that fried cheese thing makes sense.
Well, let's read yours, maddie.
"You are a mess. Your life is going nowhere.
"It's a good day to stay home.
"Too bad you can't afford to."
Boy, did they nail you.
Would you two stop it?
The last thing I need is for my big brother
to see my employees bickering.
I want to impress him.
Mr. moseby, stop worrying.
You are the most impressive man I've ever met.
If you lived in my village,
you would be mayor...
Instead of that stupid monkey.
There will be no monkey talk when Spencer gets here.
Why are you so uptight about your brother?
I've never been able to measure up to him.
He was a straight-a student,
got all the pretty girls,
he was a multi-millionaire by the time he was 30.
He casts a giant shadow.
Hey, little bro.
I can't wait to see his shadow.
Hey, big bro. Welcome to the tipton.
Actually, the "n" in your sign is burnt out,
so it's the "tipto."
Ohh...
I thought my last name was pronounced "tipton."
You must be London.
And who might this other young lady be?
It might be maddie Fitzpatrick.
Oh, in fact I am!
Nice to meet you. I don't know what you do,
but I'm sure my brother underpays you.
That's for sure.
[Giggling]
You said the customer is always right.
Yes, and so is the manager.
Now get back to your candy counter
before I make you fix the "n."
Before you go,
could you put together a candy basket for me?
And give yourself a nice tip.
I love your brother!
Doesn't everyone?
Esteban, could you take my bags to my room, please?
He knows my name!
You have a name tag.
Sorry it's only a 20.
I'm a little short.
A little?
Hi, honey, what's new?
What's new is a bike.
The most beautiful, fantastic, best bike ever.
Sounds great. Where is it?
Zack's riding it.
But I've got the receipt. See?
So you guys are going to share it?
Yeah, I've even made up a schedule.
Zack's due back in 5 minutes,
then that baby is all mine.
I can picture it now.
Freedom-- freedom of the open road.
The wind flowing through my hair.
Ahem.
Uh, I mean, through the holes in my helmet.
I admire you, maddie.
You're always doing schoolwork.
Actually, I'm e-mailing a fake horoscope to London
to mess with her head.
What are you making the horoscope say?
She was gloating about getting tickets to the concert
at the fleet center tonight.
So, her horoscope now says,
"it is a bad night to hear music."
She would never buy that.
Would someone turn off that elevator music?
My horoscope says that today is a bad day to listen to music.
Really?
What?
Oh.
I had to plug my ears in the elevator.
I almost missed my floor.
I couldn't hear the... Ding.
Does anyone want two tickets to a concert tonight?
Say yes...
Yes. Yes.
Here. Take them.
Wait a minute.
Should we be taking advantage of poor miss London like this?
Please. When she had trouble potty-training her dog,
she made you dress up like a hydrant.
Let's really stick it to her good.
Man, this bike is the best.
Zack, you were supposed to be back hours ago.
I was?
Hello. Schedule.
Sorry, but there was this emergency at the park.
What?
I met this girl... Selena.
Oh, please.
We started riding and talking...
And sitting and talking...
And drinking sodas and talking...
Man, girls can talk.
Just give me the bike. I've been waiting for hours.
Come on, guys, dinner time!
But it's my turn to ride.
Not right now. It's getting dark.
You can ride tomorrow.
Since it's your turn,
I'll let you take it upstairs.
Oh, Esteban. It's almost check-out time.
Hurry up to Spencer's room
and get his bag.
He's leaving so soon? It's only been one day.
One day is like 7 years in Spencer time.
I'm sick of hearing how he's always done
so much better than I.
You shouldn't hold a grudge.
And I don't...
My rubber-band pot-holder
was just as good as his.
No, it wasn't. Mom still uses mine.
Then maybe you should go visit her.
Esteban, get his bags!
I'd like to hold off on that, if you don't mind.
Don't tell me you're staying.
And by that I mean...
Don't tell me, you're staying!
You're not trying to get rid of me, are you?
No!
'Cause I thought we were really re-connecting.
I'd like to stay a few extra days.
No!
Kidding...
Ok, well, if you're gonna stay,
I'll need to run your credit card.
Marion, I'm a millionaire.
I know.
Just company policy.
Huh, that's odd.
It's rejecting it.
Maybe it's your machine.
The machine is telling me to confiscate your card.
All right, if you must know,
I've recently suffered a small setback.
How small? I'm broke.
Oh, no.
And I'm going to need to stay longer.
Oh, no.
Zack should be back any minute with my bike.
It is so cool!
My bike has got pegs, and it's racing red.
We were thinking about candy apple red,
but that didn't seem to pop!
[Honks horn]
Finally you're back with the bike.
Yep, it's all yours.
Oh, yeah, I kind of broke it.
I know it looks bad,
but, hey, you love Jigsaw puzzles.
You broke it, you fix it!
Because I'm not fixing this!
This is your responsibility and you're going to fix it!
Who am I kidding? You're not going to fix it!
What's wrong with Spencer?
He looks a little low-- I mean, down.
Sad.
Turns out that Spencer is broke.
Why don't you just give him a job at the hotel?
Splendid idea. How about candy counter girl?
How about we never had this conversation?
Ahem...Ahem.
Yes?
Any luck getting the loan from the bank,
he said hopefully.
No, he answered sadly.
Wait, little bro moseby.
Irene the concierge is home with laryngitis.
Maybe big bro moseby can fill in for her.
Esteban, that's ridiculous.
Spencer would never take that job.
Yes, Spencer would.
But that job requires a thorough knowledge
of the city and the restaurants and attractions--
excuse me.
I need reservations for 10 people
for 8:00 tonight at Luigi's restaurante.
Oh, I'm so sorry, but Luigi's restaurante books up--
[speaking italian]
It's all set.
Oh...Oh!
Oh, thank you!
Wonderful concierge.
You're very lucky to have him.
Ok, Spencer, let's go talk about your new job.
Great. I'm going to need a sizable advance.
Oh, you would.
I think it would be nice for the two Mr. mosebys
to spend some time together.
You also think that hat makes you look cool.
Oh, so you see it, too, huh?
Speaking of looking cool,
guess what London's horoscope told her what to wear today.
Can I still guess even though I'm looking at her?
Nice outfit.
Did a magician just pull you out of his hat?
No. And I know this looks silly,
but my horoscope said if I didn't wear this
bad things would happen.
Well, you don't want to tempt fate.
Now hippity-hop off down the bunny trail.
And remember, if you need extra luck,
you can always rub your own foot.
Oh, please.
That would make me look silly.
Hey... We did a good job.
Oh, I get it. The silent treatment.
Ok, two can play at that game.
All right, only one can-- you win.
Well, would you look at the time?
It's after 2:00.
My turn to ride our bike.
Don't...Touch...That...Bike.
Ooh, it speaks.
Yeah, and it angry!
Uh-uh-uh-- schedule rules.
Hey, fixing time is a lot different than riding time,
so, technically, it's my turn!
Technically, tough.
One minute.
Excuse me, Spencer,
but these people need your attention.
Not now, Marion. I'm on a business call.
Running the concierge desk is your business.
Are you belittling me?
No, no, no-- I didn't mean to.
What I was saying was--
apology accepted.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get back to my call.
My little bro will take care of you.
Which one's first?
[All talking at once]
London, how did the bunny suit go over yesterday?
Not so well.
People laughed at me.
Ohh...
So, London, are you going to the firemen's ball?
I hear it's the hottest party of the year.
'Cause it's hot with the fire...
I know, but my horoscope says
that today is a bad day to go outside.
No.
Oh, that's a shame.
And I was supposed to bring a guest.
Hey, do you guys want to go?
Us? Us?
Well, if you insist.
Great. The limousine will pick you up at 7:00.
Ohh!
Yeah!
And then he just took the bike.
It's so not fair.
Did you say anything to him?
No, I was giving him the silent treatment.
How'd that work out for you?
My point is, Zack is hogging the bike,
and he's cleverly using my schedule against me.
Sharing is tough.
When I was a kid I tried sharing a boyfriend with Nikki maldonado.
It was a disaster.
She got the guy?
No, I did. And then he ate all my animal crackers.
Oh, you were in kindergarten.
No, high school.
Got a message you wanted to see me.
The microphone stand is broken...Again.
Mom, I've got brother problems here.
Please, do not talk to me about brothers.
Spencer is giving me such a migraine.
Zack is selfish.
Spencer's a bully.
He doesn't listen.
He has no consideration for me.
And he stinks.
Personality-wise, and frankly, his body odor.
[Both arguing]
Stop! Sit.
I know it's not easy being a younger sibling.
I remember torturing my younger sister.
I didn't know you had a younger sister.
She doesn't talk to me anymore.
My point is, you're not going to solve anything
by complaining about it.
You got to stand up to your big brother.
But, mom--
this is one battle I can't fight for you.
And moseby, you and Spencer should have had this battle
a long time ago.
Where are you going?
I'm going to do the mature thing
and go call my sister.
With any luck, she's still at work
and I can leave a message.
You know, she's right.
Why are we so intimidated by our brothers?
Well, speaking for myself,
Zack once noogied me so hard
I lost 5 I.Q. Points.
Spencer may be short,
buy he pounces like a cat.
Plus, he bites.
Ok, we're pathetic.
You're right.
I have had enough.
I'm going to march right upstairs
and stand up to Spencer.
And I'll give Zack a piece of my mind.
You first. You first.
I appreciate the call.
Spencer, I need to talk to you immediately.
Ok, but before you do,
I have something to tell you.
No, you are going to listen to me for once.
It's bad enough that you have never treated me
with respect as your brother,
but now you're my employee
and you're still taking advantage of me.
So, I'm consistent.
You're consistently a jerk!
Oh, not you, sir.
You're consistently a jerk!
I--
no, no-- none of your backtalk!
From now on, you will speak to me with respect
or we won't speak at all.
You're right.
And another thing!
I--say what?
You're right. I have mistreated you.
Especially now, because you helped me
when I really needed it.
Well, after all, you are my big brother, and...
I love you.
I love you, too, Marion.
See ya.
What? Whoa!
You don't have to go.
That phone call you interrupted
was my business associate.
He came through with my funding.
I'm going to be rich again!
A feeling you'll never know!
That was almost a nice moment.
Oh, and since I'm apologizing,
I'm sorry I shaved "dork" in your hair when you were 5.
You said that was the hair gremlin.
I lied.
What?
People called me "dork hair" for years!
Including mom.
Don't be mad just because mom liked me best.
She did not.
You know the reason why she treated you better.
Don't go there.
Oh, yeah.
Because you were lactose intolerant!
Oooh, you went there!
Ha ha ha ha!
♪ Who's afraid of cheese, who's afraid of cheese? ♪
Ow!
That's it! I got you!
Oh, no, no, no!
He kicked me first.
He started it!
Ow! See?
I'm going to get you!
Oh, how do you like that, little one?
Huh? Crawling on the floor--
aah!
Oh, that hurts!
Spencer, please, this is a lobby,
not a wrestling mat!
There you are.
I need to speak to you.
Can you make it quick?
You're cutting into my bike time.
Exactly. How come I haven't had any time with our bike?
I paid for most of it.
Now get off!
Ok, fine.
If you want to break our deal
and forget about your schedule,
go ahead, take the bike.
It's not about the bike.
Oh, great.
It's about me doing your homework
and cleaning our room
and eating your broccoli for you
when mom's not looking.
You offered to do all that stuff.
Because that's what brothers do for each other.
But it's never reciprocal.
What?
Reciprocal means it would be nice
if once in awhile you did something for me.
I did. You offered me money and I took it.
Ha ha! Very funny.
Why are you so upset all of a sudden?
It's not all of a sudden.
It's been 13 years in the making.
And I don't want us to end up like
Mr. moseby and his brother.
[Yelling and struggling]
If we do, can I be Spencer?
He's rich, he gets all the babes,
and he's winning.
Get off my back!
[Chomp]
Aah! My foot! Ow!
This is what I mean.
I don't want to keep everything bottled up inside
for 30 years,
then wind up hating you.
You'd hate me?
Eventually.
Like now, if I don't get this bike.
It's yours.
Good, and from now on,
I expect you to think of me as your equal.
Except in school, where I'm clearly better.
Can you do that?
For you, of course.
Let's hug it out, you overly-sensitive lug.
Sorry, man, hot babe.
Thanks for pointing her out.
Hey, babe,
want to ride on my handlebars?
He's so in over his head.
I can't believe we get to go to the firemen's ball
and ride in a limo.
In my country, a limo is a cart pulled by llama.
It's called a "llamo."
I wonder where it is.
Right here.
What are you doing?
I'm dressed as a fireman, and I'm having a ball.
Aah! Aah!
You guys should have read your horoscope.
Mess with a friend, and you'll be covered in foam.
That horoscope was bizarrely accurate.
How'd you catch on?
It was easy. I used logic, cunning,
and I overheard you and Esteban laughing about it.
So, can we still ride in the limo?